How Brain Surgery Led Me to God's Peace: Part 3

*This is a three part blog series focusing on finding peace through trials. It was written in its entirety on February 13th, one week after undergoing surgery on the back of the skull. There will be post-op photos at the end of this post. For anyone not wishing to view them, please stop scrolling when the piece ends.*

This is Part 3 of my Brain Surgery series. To read Part 1, click here.

One problem with the current young generations is that we are accustomed to instant gratification. Whether it's online streaming, ordering groceries to deliver to our homes, or even getting acknowledgment on a social media post in the same minute it posted, we don't know how to wait for what we want.

God understands this. That is why when we pray, we don't usually get what we want with next-day shipping or without some buffering. God does not answer prayers without putting us through trials that grace us with the gratitude to appreciate His blessing when it arrives.

One Week Later

I was tempted to call this section One Week as an homage to Barenaked Ladies, one of the greatest music singles ever recorded, but I'll keep it to topic.

I spent four days in the hospital. I couldn't hold my head up for 24 hours. I cried when I walked for the first time, but from pain, not from victory happiness. I cried in the middle of the night from discomfort. There was a massive incision on the back of my neck that I could feel as soon as I laid down.

I came home and spent two days in the recliner watching TV with my mom. On Sunday, I started eating foods that were more solid. I could turn my head a little. I could walk without a cane, but it looks cool so I'm keeping it. I spent a lot of time in bed and in my chair, watching Destination Truth and my favorite YouTube partners. 

I also realized how unimportant so much of my stress was. I didn't experience high school mean girls until 2017, seven years after graduating high school. I don't understand how people smile when they see you, but then talk down about you when you leave a room. It's something I had managed to avoid my whole life, and I plan on maintaining it now that I'm free of these people.

Health really is the ultimate deciding factor. I qualified for short term disability leave, but some people hope I can be back at work in a few weeks. I shake my head at this. I need to heal. I need to be pain-free. And no amount of money will make me feel better, so I'm going to stay home and rest as long as it takes.

Strength and Courage

This was not an easy road, but I'm nearing the end. I feel better than I did a week ago, and better than I did a month ago. I feel closer to peace now than I have at any point in the last six months. I know I have the strength and courage to undergo brain surgery, although that's a feat I didn't think I would ever need to prove.

I know that as long as I maintain my faith, God will hold me up. I know my strength and courage grow with each day. 

While not everyone needs to undergo brain surgery, God will test us to prove our true desire for what we ask, and during that test, He gifts us with the Holy Spirit to overcome everything He already knew we could.

But please, if there is a less invasive way for you to achieve peace, I advise you to go that way instead. May we all pay heed to God's voice and direction in our lives and take action when He calls us.

~*~*~

Below is my incision six days after surgery. They used sutures that would dissolve and then, and this is my mom's guess, tied me together with super glue, which is the mystery sheen you see.

I won't lie: I'm kind of digging the shave. It might stick around for a while.

Two days after Chiari Malformation surgery.

Six days after my Chiari Malformation surgery.

Eleven days after Chiari Malformation surgery.