This is Part 2 of my Brain Surgery series. To read Part 1, click here.
I need to reverse just a small bit. God delivers on His time. Usually, we think He acts too slowly, but for me, He knocked over so many dominoes that I lost count of the number of ups and downs I went through. While I prayed for peace in my heart, soul, and mind, God knew He had to fix my body first and granted my request through a romantic break-up and surgery news in the same two-week period.
Break-Ups Really Suck
I won't spend long here because it plays the stepping stone and we all know how this goes. This particular relationship involved more stress than any I've ever had, in good and bad ways, but I couldn't handle it any longer with my health.
While I was heartbroken, I also started feeling better in the few couple days after we parted. I wasn't constantly worried about how I was doing (he had kids who loved me but I stressed about my actions anyway), and I was stressed by so many outside forces that once they were removed, my mind relaxed almost instantly.
Right when I thought I was doing alright a week and a half after, I received my MRI results from my doctor.
Permanent Solution to My Headaches
I had spent two years trying to solve my headaches. Western medicine had no lasting effect and the next step was narcotics, which I refused. Eastern and holistic practices eased my stress which helped, but nothing took away the pain.
My neurologist is an amazing man. For anyone in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex seeking neuro help, Dr. Sabatino Bianco is the best in the business. He called me in for my follow-up appointment and basically asked, "When do want to do the surgery?"
I asked him to repeat himself on multiple things, but the fact of the matter is that the cerebellar tonsils should end where the skull ends.
Mine had herniated 9.7 millimeters past that toward the spinal cord.
My stress peaked. My depression soared with it. I stopped talking to friends, even the ones who were in need themselves (they hold no grudge against me for it now, but it's hard to let good friends down regardless). I had good days, but those were few and far between. My family cruised to Cozumel in January, and I had to psyche myself up for something I had dreamed of doing.
But my doctor promised that after this, I wouldn't have headaches. The overall percentage for those who undergo surgery for Chiari Malformation and never have the same level of pain is 80-90%, and those are the same numbers that never need follow-up procedures in the future. This cures it, and it's over.
The Journey Ahead
It took a little under two months to schedule my surgery after hearing the news. I feared who I would be without the pain. Was I the same person without headaches? Would I be who I was before or someone new? Would I even change at all?
It's scary to lose a piece of your identity, even the bad parts. I was constantly angry, sad, or scared. There wasn't much in between.
What we forget is that we are never alone. I had to remember that even if I felt like I couldn't talk to family and friends, or when I felt that I was truly alone, that I had a friend in Jesus Christ. He gave His life for me, so even when I feel alone, that's me fooling myself. I remind myself everyday of this. I kept telling myself that these things would lead to good news in the end.
I think if we told ourselves that a little more often, we'd feel a lot better about ourselves and our courses in life.
~*~*~
For Part 1 of this series, click here.
For Part 3 of this series, click here.
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