How Brain Surgery Led Me to God's Peace: Part 1

*This is a three part blog series focusing on finding peace through trials. It was written in its entirety on February 13th, one week after undergoing surgery on the back of the skull. There will be photos of the post-op results, but there will also be a disclaimer for those who do not wish to view them.*

Stress is usually our greatest downfall. We can't switch to our dream career because we have a family to care for. We can't start a family because we're too involved with work. We can't volunteer our time because of our job, but we can't volunteer our treasure because of our family. We are always running to no concrete destination because walking isn't an option.

The modern world leaves no time for personal care and reflection, but I've learned that with God's help, our worlds can come to a temporary halt. It just demands a sacrifice. For me, that sacrifice was brain surgery.

I have never had control over my stress. I react negatively and quickly. I am quick to anger, to hurt and feel hurt, to yell, and to cry. Stress dominates my life, and it wasn't until last year when I realized that it was, in a nutshell, killing me though daily headaches.

In 2016, I had a CT scan and an MRI performed. They both revealed a herniation of my cerebellar tonsils, which are two spherical bits of tissue at the back of the skull that help connect to the spinal cord. My primary care physician said these couldn't be causing my headaches, so I forgot it and lived for another year a half. I went through a hard year in 2017, with my stress level peaking, until November when I contacted a neurologist.

Within three weeks of my first appointment and a second MRI, I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation Type 1 and scheduled for a suboccipital decompression and C1 laminectomy and duraplasty. One is considered cranial surgery; the other, spinal surgery.

I spent all of 2017 praying for peace, but I wasn't seeking the answer in the way God intended to provide it. God couldn't deliver me into His peace until I understood the journey, and in order to be free of stress and pain He needed me to undergo skull reshaping surgery to cure me.

What is Chiari Malformation?

My goal for 2018 is to seek and welcome peace in whatever form it comes. Part of reaching this peace was solving my health problems. 

Chiari Malformation Type 1 is the most common type and often times people live their lives without ever knowing they have it. For me, it caused daily headaches, sporadic blurred vision, and toward the end hand numbness and tingling. My cerebellar tonsils were peg-shaped and protruding into the space between the skull and the spinal cord. 

Not only did this block the fluid from draining out of head (which is what caused the headaches from the built-up pressure), but it also prevented the spine from receiving that fluid it needed to charge the nervous system. In the last few months before the surgery, my hands starting tingling and going numb, an early sign that permanent nerve damage could take place without the surgery.

Stress Indicator

While my headaches could have been caused by too much screen time, dehydration, and lack of sleep, each of these headaches felt different from each other. One would be dull (dehydration), and one would feel heavy (too much screen time). However, when I let myself feel too stressed by a multitude of situations, the headache stopped me from functioning.

My stress-induced headaches lasted far longer than the others, and soon none of my prescription medications worked. One drug took a month to stop working; another, six months. Some never worked at all. When headaches are caused by pressure build-up, which was the daily part, these other factors enhance the negative situation and is why most people who suffer like I did can't find relief.

But it was the fact that my stress was so high that forced me to seek out a neurologist. Some individuals told me to do this when the headaches first started, but when you switch from a primary physician to someone who only specializes in how your brain works, it's daunting. Am I really hurting this much? Am I overreacting?

God helped rid me of some of my stress factors: people, life goals, time restraints. He showed me that I needed to focus on my health and not so much on other things. 

Peace Leads to No Pain

One of the areas I prayed for peace in was in my pain. I asked God to cure me of my pain, and He delivered. He led me to a doctor who was able to cure me, but it came at a price, as most things do. If I could muster up the courage and strength to undergo skull reshaping surgery, I could be rid of headaches, which would rekindle my desires to pursue other areas of my life.

I want to buy a home. I want to get married and have cute little babies. I want to find a career that gives me purpose. I want to enjoy every day from the moment I wake up. In order to get to this, I need to take care of the pain.

God heard my prayer and answered. Now it was time for me to trust His Will and step forward.

~*~*~

For Part 2, click here.

For Part 3, click here.