A Disciplined Lifestyle

In my post Achieving Authenticity, I broke down the components of discipline and how it relates to authenticity. However, I still feel like I need to understand the idea of a disciplined lifestyle in terms of how it relates to me. Authenticity is different for everyone, and discipline, while it may provide templates, also varies for each person depending on who they want to be.

Habits are often used to define us. If you think someone is kind, it is probably because they think before speaking, hold the door for others, or volunteer their time. If you think someone is selfish, it could be because they often talk ill of others, don't offer assistance, or have a negative outlook. While our habits do define us, we also choose which habits to drill into our lives.

I want to embrace discipline as a lifestyle (41). In terms of faith, I want to practice prayer, spiritual reading, and Adoration. I want to grow within my church's community and within the Catholic community of the world. I want others to think of me and think of the characteristics that define a Christian: forgiving, merciful, loving, and compassionate. I want to discipline my faith because faith alone will not save me; I need action as well.

Kelly describes disciplined action within faith as the key to human perfection (68). God loved David because he was a man after His own heart. God knows we cannot be perfect in His way, but we can be perfect in the way we worship, praise, and love Him. If we actively and earnestly seek Jesus Christ, that is our spiritual perfection.

Praying for guidance and the loved ones in our lives is a disciplined action. More so is praying for those who have hurt us. Attending church every week is a disciplined action. More so is getting involved in ministries and aiding our local communities. When we do all we can for Christ and His mission, we are reaching our highest level of discipline, and therefore enforcing these greatest habits into our authentic selves.

It's no mystery that our habits affect our character (129). The better our daily, weekly, and monthly habits, the better we are. For me, my regular habits include what I spoke about for the lifestyle (praying, reading spiritual titles, and Adoration) as well as playing video games, cleaning (husky life is hard), and budgeting. I also do smaller things like start each day with green tea and practice stretching. So long as each habit helps me grow into a better version of myself, it's a positive trait for me to nurture.

I aim to discipline the habits that I know will help me grow. I want to incorporate more whole foods into my lifestyle for the weekends and also improve on my goal of reading 30 minutes a day. Discipline is not easy for our society unless we're disciplining things of the world, but we are not called to obey society's rules if they go against the rules of our Creator.

My heavenly Father, help me to foster habits that mark me as a child of God. Guide me in my actions and thoughts, and fill me with moral courage for Your idea of discipline and truth. When I feel called to do something good and holy, compel me to do it immediately and without hesitation. May I trust in Your will. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Single Deceits

Most faithful individuals don't feel called to the religious life of a priest or sister. The other options for the rest of us are marriage or singleness, but the idea of staying single for longer than anticipated, especially at the thought of our entire life, can lead to self-sabotage and a fear to pursue faith.

For me, the deceit comes in the form of self-doubt. Who am I to think I'm wife material? How could I raise children without ruining them? What qualifications do I have to care for another person? Aren't I too angry and prideful to help manage a household of more than just myself? What if I fall off the wagon and end up cultivating the same mindset I had growing up, one of uncertainty and instability?

These thoughts are not from God. Teresa of Avila wrote, "God is positive, and I am negative" (The Book of My Life). When we diminish our worth, that's not God speaking; it is the devil, the world, and our human imperfection speaking. God created me, and it's difficult to imagine the pain He feels listening to His children speak of themselves this way because I am not a parent.

What's important to remember is that God never expects us to be perfect. He wants the best from us. He wants us to be humble, but confident in who we are. Yes, we are nothing more than flesh, but we are made flesh by His hand and created to serve His purpose. When these thoughts invade, it's as though we're telling God that He made a mistake.

I struggle against this thought on a regular basis. I wake up and feel confident knowing that God knows the plan and that I'm where I'm supposed to be, but other days it's a struggle to find a reason to leave the house. I've been unmarried this long, maybe it is for my whole life, but I don't know this. I must follow God's will for me now and trust that He will make way for what is best in my life.

Do not fall for these deceits. Do not listen to these lies. It's a different kind of temptation, one that leads us to push away God directly. Not all days are good days, but not all nights are long. If we stay close to the Father and the Son, the negative words will slowly fade away until all that is left is words of praise.

This Past Homily: Holiness Without the Results

One of the improvements I want to make in my spiritual life is being more invested during the homily. I wrote down the key topics that stuck with me from this past Sunday, and how I hope to use them to better my faith and myself.

In a previous post, I explored my lack of forgiveness for others because I wanted to see judgment passed on them before I gave it. However, the Lord's forgiveness does not come with strings, and neither does mine. Therefore, this homily struck me just as bitterly as the last, but once again, it was the exact message I needed to hear.

I will admit, I am still new to the idea of holiness and what it entails. It's one of the Biblical ideas I need to study more before I discuss it at length, but the pastor's message was this: are you willing to live a holy and prophetic life without seeing the results? Knowing that all you do may not see results or fruition before you die?

This is a major hurtle for me. Just as I did not want to forgive because I assumed they wouldn't change and only hurt me again, so God is asking if I am going to follow His way even if nothing changes until after I am gone. Will I still do what He calls me to do even if the good things do not happen?

For me, it's not as much a matter of pride, but rather a matter of pain. I want to forgive and be that faithful person, but how can I forgive everyday anew when I know what to expect?

This is where Jesus is telling me that if I only had more faith, something would change. That person would be transformed and not cause me hurt. This person would see the error of their ways and change. The world teaches us to expect what we have always seen; faith teaches us to hope for the best in each person we encounter. How can we hope for something better when we already expect the worst?

I'm also not excluding myself. I know I need to improve, and that I may be one of these bad people in someone else's life. We never know how the world views us, but if we follow the way of Christ, there is only one view they can have.

Father, I seek forgiveness for my sins, and I seek forgiveness in my heart for those whom I harbor anger or resentment. Better me for Your sake. Teach me Your ways. Transform my life into one that You love. Strengthen my faith above all else. Thank you, my Lord. Amen.

Achieving Authenticity

At the start of the year, I set a goal to seek and welcome peace into my life in whatever form God willed. Since then, my spiritual journey has been focused on forgiving the past and discovering my authentic self. However, it hadn't yet occurred to me what authenticity means until I picked up Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly.

Kelly writes excellent titles about faith, and it is because of his work Perfectly Yourself that I picked up spiritual titles again this year. In Rediscovering, Kelly talks about authenticity and discipline as two ideals fading from modern society, and it led me to question both ideas.

How is authenticity realized in people? Is it similar to purpose where once we find it, we find contentment and follow it until the end? Or is it ever changing as we age and experience more in life, altering what we believe is the truth of who we are and what we choose to represent?

This is where discipline comes into play. Our beliefs are directly tied to our discipline. It is fine to say a person believes in God, but when they find excuses to not attend service and skip out on prayer, how much of that belief truly defines them? Wearing a cross or tattooing a Bible verse does not entail that a person will be recognized by Jesus when they die, just as the Pharisees wouldn't be recognized by him despite their public offerings.

Faith and action must go together. Belief will not sustain on its own, just as charitable actions without faith with not provide life after death on its own. Jesus prayed and offered His services; if we are expected to follow His example, we, too, must do both.

I hope my authentic self will be true and right. For those who know me, they would say I talk about my faith, but I also talk about video games and comic book characters. Both sides make up who I am, but my discipline determines which make up my being. If I am disciplined in playing video games every day but do not attend Mass each week, which side of me is actually authentic in my soul?

Discipline is defined as "control gained by enforcing obedience or order; orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior" (Merriam-Webster). The more disciplined we are in certain actions, the more authentic those actions become to us individually and as a society or community. What does society view as enforced obedience or order? Right now, it is Individualism, Hedonism, and Minimalism, all of which go against the mission Jesus brought to the world (Kelly 17-20). If we want to be disciplined Christians, we must choose to go against these beliefs and return to true faith: attending service, reading the Bible, praying, and participating in charity.

If I am to become my authentic self, I need to be disciplined in my beliefs. I need to follow the beliefs that will better myself, not the ones that only please me or make my life easier. Authenticity is not easy to discover, but I believe it's worth it.

My Lord, instill in me a disciplined heart. May I seek to worship You above all else. I plead that the world come to You in masses for Your love, forgiveness, and discipline, the things so absent from our world. May You remind us, in Your Way, the true way of life. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Setting Immeasurable Goals

In 2016, I started a "To-Do List" that included things I wanted to change about myself. Some of the things on my current list are the same as the original, some have been tweaked, and some have been removed all together.

For me, it was about bettering myself. I wanted to change my bad habits into positive traits, I wanted to have a skeleton plan for the future, and I needed a way to access whether I was actively changing my habits, personality, and outlook for the better. The original To-Do List has been revised twice, and I tend to review it when I'm going through major life changes to adjust my goals as needed.

Things to Remember:

Pray everyday

Serve others more

Trust God's Will

Forgive the past

Speak kindly of others

Think before speaking

Live life intentionally

Cultivate my passions

Write everything

Strengthen my faith

Start everyday with gratitude and understanding

 

While measurable goals like getting out of debt, increasing athleticism, and moving ahead in work are great worldly goals, it's important to remember the eternal goals as well. Praying everyday is something I've gotten better with, but I know I need to strengthen my faith even more. Living life intentionally is probably the most difficult on my list, but I'm getting stronger at forgiving the past. There may not be markers to tick off when I reach a step, but each of these goals is for a lifetime.

 

I will spend my life serving others more and practicing humility. I will spend a lifetime reminding myself to remain silent in order to both think before speaking and ensure what I speak is kind and helpful; otherwise, it's unnecessary. Starting with gratitude and understanding with help to forgive the past. I hope to grow into the woman God has planned for me to be by following His rules of living.

 

These immeasurable goals are more important to me than my worldly goals because without the right mental and spiritual state, my accomplishments mean nothing. What does it matter if I pay off my debt but still drown in sinful actions? What help does it bring me to reach a new level of fitness if I still treat others with rudeness? Our faithful life needs just as much attention as the other parts, and undoubtedly more with the constant temptations around us to practice a lazier way of life.

 

I have this list hanging by my bedroom door. The goal is to read it every day to remind myself of the kind of person I am supposed to be. It's a slow process, but I have anywhere from a day to fifty years to work on it.

 



Authentically Me: Is Pride Holding Me Back?

My prayer and self goal for 2018 is to seek and welcome peace into my mind, heart, and soul in whatever form God wills. My goal for this series is to remember the epiphanies that brought me closer to the person I hope to be as a Christian, a human being, and a friend. The year is half over, and while I've learned dozens of positive lessons, I also feel as though I'm still uncovering all the facets of my anger problem.

At this point, it would probably be accurate to say I have an anger disorder. Some days I wake up angry and fall asleep angry and most moments in between feel anger. There is no rhyme or reason to it; much like someone with anxiety or depression may wake up and fear the day or dread the possibilities, I wake up hating everything about it. It's irrational, but the anger is uncontrollable in the sense that I cannot predict when it will strike.

A large part of my anger is holding on to the past, another part is that I cannot forgive those in my present because these are people I wish to exclude from my life but cannot for one reason or another. I have discussed showing and giving more love to all people I encounter, detaching from bad people and habits when I can, and how my level of maturity affects my ability to treat others with kindness and forgiveness. Each time, a light bulb brightens, but my anger remains.

I know there isn't a cure-all to my anger, whether it's a disorder or a choice to hold on to grudges, but I know I'm still searching for more explanations for my anger in addition to practicing the lessons I've learned so far.

While reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (which is fantastic and should be read by all people), I felt a resonance with Lewis' views on pride and Christian behavior. Pride is not simply being vain or wanting to win; it's also thinking we are superior to others (120-128). The first assumption is to think we are better than others because of our class, education, or career, and while all of these are wrong, they're not what I'm pointing to. I suffer from pride because I think I am deserving of apologies and reparations when none are coming, and it angers me.

My pride is preventing me from releasing anger and tension because I'm waiting for something that will likely never come. Jesus always reminds us to turn the other cheek and not expect anything in return, but it's difficult to understand how He lived so freely and lovingly while being mistreated. If Christ did not expect reparations, why should I? Oh, that's right, because I'm too proud to humble myself.

Is pride holding me back? Yes, absolutely. Do I think I am superior in the sense that I deserve an apology? Yes. Is this the Christian way to live? No. Then why do I continue to feel this anger over the past? Why not let it go, expect the least, give the most, and focus all my energy onto the Lord to guide me in not only my life, but my emotions?

My Lord, I am Your servant. I am lowly in my pride. It brings me no comfort or security, yet I cling to it. Please remind me of my place, my God; remind me that only You are above all things, and we all fall to our knees because of Your power and glory. Instill in me a servant's spirit for You and toward all people on this world so that we will remember in our serving actions to each other our true resting place with You who created us. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, hear this prayer. Amen.

Lil Bean Book Recs: June 2018

One of my lifestyle changes for 2018 was to always have a book on my nightstand and to read 30 minutes minimum daily. This month I picked up a title from my TBR list on Goodreads.

Mere Christianity

I didn't read The Chronicles of Narnia when I was young, but I saw the first movie. I think it was too fantastical for me at first, and by the time I grew into the genre, I had outgrown the series and went on to young adult novels.

C.S. Lewis is a Christian writer, but I didn't know that until recently. His collection of transcripts from 1940, titled Mere Christianity, took me on a journey I didn't expect. I had tried to read a theological text earlier this year but couldn't decipher it. Lewis somehow teaches about theology in layman terms so that every person can understand the belief they attach themselves to.

This was a quick read for me because of the short chapters, and despite the heavy topics, the writing doesn't trudge through the mud and it never lulled me to sleep. The topics that stuck with me the most were the the understanding of right and wrong and how humans identity with morality and moral law. These are not easy ideas to digest, but this book makes the lesson a little smoother.

Anyone who wishes to understand Christianity for its purpose as a non-believer should read this title if they seek a common ground with Christians. Christians should read this to be reminded that all humans are created equal regardless of whether they profess the faith or not. This is not only a discussion on a religion and its faith, but also on humanity and how far we've fallen in decency.