Being single is hard.
That's what I wanted to title this piece, but part of welcoming peace into my life is understanding where I am right now in my journey. I always view my previous romantic relationships as failures because I always have a goal: marriage and a family. The reason I don't casually date is not because I have a fear of commitment; rather, I have a strong desire for permanence and that's usually where trouble starts.
I have many previous friendships that ended, but I never considered them failures. I simply didn't click with their personality. Why are romantic relationships different? I think it's because we don't imagine a future with our friends. They're for day to day affairs. But a romantic relationship involves togetherness, buying homes, raising children, meeting families.
If I can't imagine a future with someone, I tend to shy away and find another.
God hasn't told me what I'm doing is wrong. In fact, my faith has strengthened with each relationship and break-up. I am a planner, and I think about the future a lot, which is what God hopes for each of us I believe. If we don't plan, how can we help others or prepare ourselves to help others when the need arises?
But something God goes around and around with me about is how to handle my singleness. I am much more diligent in my religious affairs when I'm single, and I read more when I'm not doting on another person. He needs me to be single for many reasons (definitely a woman of flaws), but one of them He keeps bringing back around is how to make the most of my singlehood.
From the Mass on January 28, 2018, the New Testament reading comes from first Corinthians 7:32-35:
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
Free from concern. Free from worry and stress. Free from conflicting ideas. I have so many of all of these rattling in my brain, but as a single woman, God reminds me that He is my number one priority, even after I find my husband.
I believed my purpose was to be a writer, and I followed that dream for 14 years with substantial success in my endeavors. When writing wasn't calling me in the same way when I reached my mid-twenties, I felt lost until I experienced raising kids. I loved it, but the kids weren't mine and after the break-up I left them behind. I felt lost again.
I believe God has a family in store for me, but He still needs me to focus on Him until I figure out what He needs me to accomplish as an individual. This is the only point in my youthful life that I will have this much leisure time. I need to use it to my advantage and plan ahead, not just for marriage, but for the kind of woman I want to be in that marriage and with others in my life. I want to help, not hinder.
Being single is hard, but only when you don't take all the opportunities it offers. The sting might still be there, it is for me, but I can only achieve my purpose if I align my goals with God.
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