My prayer and self goal for 2018 is to seek and welcome peace into my mind, heart, and soul in whatever form God wills. I harbor anger like a secret treasure someone might steal from me. The truth is, someone does want to take it: God wants to take this burden from me, but in order to do so, I have to give it up by forgiving those who hurt me.
I have a friend with whom our friendship is rocky. We went through a very dark time together, and while we lit up each other's lives, we also caused a lot of pain. Despite this, we want to only be positive influences, and I promised him I would try to forgive and trust and remember the good times for the future.
But that anger pulled me in the other direction. I hadn't spoken to him for a week and a half, and this is someone I once spoke to nearly every day. My anger told me to not call him or seek him out, and I listened. What I didn't know was that anger was going on for him, too, and it pushed us further apart with nothing more than miscommunication.
Today, the anger became too strong, and I called him. The anger wanted me to blow it out of proportion, but God wanted me to call him as well. God needed me to finally learn the lesson I had heard since I was introduced to the church.
All of these verses came straight from Jesus' mouth, which means he repeated himself, which means I'm not the only one not listening.
The first is Mark 11:24-25: "Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in Heaven will forgive your sins, too."
Jesus probably looked around and saw us nodding only to realize we were nodding off to sleep. So He speaks again.
Matthew 6:14-15: "If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. but if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."
It's starting to sink in, but we're still not sold. Jesus decides to add a reverse element to it.
Matthew 5:23-24: "So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."
God couldn't forgive me until I had truly forgiven my friend. But more than that, I cannot offer anything to God until I reconcile with those whom I know are angry with me. I knew my actions were hurting him, and so I had to reach out. Yes, there was shortness in our words, but we also found healing, and as the conversation carried on, so God carried away a little more of my anger.
I need peace in my life, so that means owning up to my actions and words that might feel good to me, but are harming others. If we are pleasing God by doing something easy, the odds are He is not pleased. We need to be forged by the fire to be strong enough to be followers of Christ.
I know times will come again where this same event will replicate. A different person, a different reason, but I hope that next time, I won't wallow in anger as long and realize that if I'm hurting, the other person probably is to. Everybody is human, and I need to remember this to remember their pain and how much we both need forgiveness from each other and from our Lord.
May we all find a little more forgiveness in our friendships in this day. Amen.
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