Being single makes it easy to focus on yourself. If you want to go out, you don't have to confer with someone else. There's no deliberating about food, chores, or money. There's also much more time to explore your relationship with God. Unfortunately for me, I always leave behind my relationship with God when I get into a new romantic relationship.
New Priorities
Often times, we treat new relationships like the most important thing in our lives. I always make my boyfriend a priority so that he has a better idea of the kind of wife I would be. However, we all know that people will take advantage of too much kindness even without intention. I end up giving my all to showcase my love and sincerity, and each time I am rejected because they don't want to give it their all.
I had a boyfriend once tell me to not be too involved until marriage, but then, I worry that when I am married, the man won't change and I'll forever be treated like an after thought. I think that by giving my all, they will do the same and thus prove to the both of us that we're right for each other.
However, making someone my personal priority is one thing, but making them the ultimate priority is another. No man should come before my Lord; in fact, not even my future children should. As found in Psalm 127:3, "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him." My children belong to God first, and He will (hopefully) entrust me with children to raise in His name. But if my children come before God, I will fail them by showing an example of pushing God away for earthly relationships. It is possible to be available and still love God first.
Breaking my Idol
I treat boyfriends like idols, and that is God's greatest commandment: "Do not worship any other gods before me" (Exodus 20:3). I put my romantic relationships above everything. I still attend church, but my prayer and reading life suffers because I dedicate my free time to them. I would only get involved with my faith life when I knew I had no other plans.
The problem is, I know how my life is different when I'm single instead of dating. I see now, especially with this blog, my growth in the last few months. I also know how deep in my studies I was before my last relationship. The lesson I need to remember is that those I choose to date will not offer me the security and love that God already has.
It's not easy to break this mindset. Some people do it with their children, parents, or favorite celebrities and athletes. It's hard to remember that while we must care for those around us, they do not need to be treated like royalty. And more importantly, we must not spoil individuals who would never return the treatment. That in turn breaks us emotionally as well as spiritually, and then we are not in any shape to care for others.
It's not easy to give up idols because we treat them like a god. But I assure everyone that these boyfriends never gave me the peace, love, and forgiveness like the Lord. Perhaps God has left me single to help me learn this lesson permanently, that with my next relationship, I will maintain my faith and keep my man in an earthly place of endearment.
May God give us guidance to remember Him first. Amen.
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