My prayer and self goal for 2018 is to seek and welcome peace into my mind, heart, and soul in whatever form God wills. My goal for this series is to remember the epiphanies that brought me closer to the person I hope to be as a Christian, a human being, and a friend.
This past month brought as much stress and hardship as my surgery did in February. I broke down and doubted whether things would turn out the way I wanted, but fortunately, God made things turn out the way He planned.
I sought peace this year. I deal a lot of negative damage to myself, both mentally and physically. I avoided romantic relationships this year because I went through break-ups in 2015, 2016, and 2017, and I was determined to break my cycle. I struggle with the physical results of the surgery and think of it as yet another ping against me. However, the peace I gained and experienced reminds me of how much better I'm doing.
I did not suffer mental or emotional pain from bad relationships. I wake up ready and excited to work. I bought a house, and within the next month I plan to move into it. I joined Adoration at the church and with it discovered the Rosary Makers Ministry and its collective of wonderful, compassionate women. I survived cranial and spinal surgery (sometimes I forget to add this to the list of accomplishments and leave its pain on the bad list). I spent time with the friends and family who share the same goals and beliefs as me.
I'm not a perfect Christian, and I tend to sin more often than someone who is as involved with the church community as I am should. That aside, I still attend church and pray and engage with other Christians because I recognize my shortcomings and know that I need to get my act together.
I found peace. Not in the way I expected, but I found peace in the strength, hope, and happiness that God gave me. I hope to remember these lessons and the hardships to guide me in the future, either with similar situations or with new experiences waiting for me. This journey is never over, but I think I'm finally figuring out the teachings He set aside for me in this life.
May God grant us peace. Amen.
