Authentically Me: Agape Love

My prayer and self goal for 2018 is to seek and welcome peace into my mind, heart, and soul in whatever form God wills. My goal for this series is to remember the epiphanies that brought me closer to the person I hope to be as a Christian, a human being, and a friend.

Last week during Adoration, I read about the need for agape love. This is a term I learned about during my Confirmation classes, but it's a philosophy I haven't been able to translate into action.

For me, agape love regards how we should treat everyone, and it ties into how we forgive others. However, for me, forgiveness and love have always been separate. I thought, I can forgive them without loving them, but in actuality I can't. Christ calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves; this is the second greatest commandment God gives. How am I allegedly living the Christian life of forgiveness when I'm breaking such a strong commandment on a daily basis?

For clarification, when I thought of forgiving without loving them, I intended to forgive the action but sever ties with the person who committed the action. This led to feelings of anger and frustration that didn't make sense because in my mind I had "forgiven" the sin which meant I should have been wiped clean. God, on the other hand, wanted me to learn to love in a different way.

Surprisingly, the answer to agape love hit me in a social media post by Jada Pinkett-Smith. To paraphrase, she said that sometimes we are called to love someone from afar rather than beside them because we should not expect of ourselves to walk through everyone's trials with them. This is agape love. This is unconditional and brotherly love: to know how to use the love we hold for all people.

Just as life is not instantly easy when we accept Christ, love is not easy just because we feel it. We must learn how to live it.

Loving from afar is the agape love I am focusing on. I cannot forgive without first loving them despite past transgressions. I can't, rationally, be angry because a relationship or friendship ended when God is the One who held other plans for both me and them. If God calls us to be a light or blesses us with light from another, we shouldn't be upset when the light is provided and must now move forward to the next soul in need.

The world tries to define love into categories of passion, intimacy, familial, or friendly, but at the end of the day, all love yields the same result regardless of whether we try to use a category to our advantage. We give love to raise others up and to Christ; any other use for it is an abuse of its intention.

We love to encourage. We love to protect. We love to teach. We love others to shed light on their potential. We love because He first loved us, and we can continue to love because He has never left us. If I can integrate agape love into all my relationships, past, present, and future, I may be able to witness even a glimpse of the love He has for me.

Heavenly Father, we love You. We need You. Guide us as a father guides his children to all that is good, true, and right. Free us from the burdens of anger, regret, and guilt, and fill us with Your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Greatest People: Matthew 18:2-6

In Matthew 18:1-6, the Gospel reads:

"About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Which of us is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?'

Jesus called a small child over to him and put the child among them. He said, 'I assure you, unless you turn from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who trust in me to lose faith, it would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck.'"

Somehow, this passage reads differently for me each time I come across it. As a convert, I understand the need to ground children in a belief before they sail adrift in the mindless games of the world. As someone anticipating children, I hope to comprehend the best practices to raise a child in the Christian way. As a Christian, I know I fail to have this childlike faith that Jesus asks of me.

If the expectations of Jesus are broken down, the path looks almost easy on paper. Have deep, unrelenting trust and faith in God, forgive as Jesus forgave, and aid those in need. However, the deep and unrelenting faith is more difficult for me to grasp the older I get.

I wish that I had some great epiphany about this passage this week during Adoration, but other than sitting so deeply with me that I had to write it down to come back to, my connection to it remains the same. I believe that Jesus wants me to grow more childlike in my relationship with Him, but it doesn't come naturally to me.

Addiction in childhood is not something that fades when a child turns 18. Instead it leads to trust issues and emotional disorders in future relationships and within the self. For me, it's difficult to find this childlike trust in God because fear blocks it out, wondering when this Heavenly Father may turn out to actually have a dark side that I was blind to because I was too busy adoring Him as a child should adore their parents.

I want this childlike faith, but it will take forgiveness, but that, too, can be improved with the mind of a child. Children tend to forgive easily because if they don't forgive their brother or sister, who will play with them? Not that they view it selfishly, but rather they don't linger on anger because they know the happiness from playtime is better. We, as adults, must practice this mindset more in our lives in order to remember that communication and trust are far greater than grudges or being right.

Childlike faith is strong and hopeful. This is what Jesus asks of us, and it's a task we know is possible because we once held this faith within our parents and caretakers when we were still young. May God grant us the strength to dive back in to our beliefs and hopes despite the worldly rationality that takes over and tries to control us. If we had no control over our lives and the events that happened around us as children, why would it change now that we're a little taller and grayer?

My Lord, grant us spirits of love and hope. Bring us to You. We are weak and small, but Your grace grants us life. May we live as You have deemed and follow in the steps that You have walked. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Lil Bean Book Recs: July 2018

One of my lifestyle changes for 2018 was to always have a book on my nightstand and to read 30 minutes minimum daily. This month I picked up one of my favorite Catholic authors.

Rediscovering Catholicism

Matthew Kelly is a superb author who's writing encouraged me to pick up faith-based titles again. His book Rediscovering Catholicism: Journeying Toward Our Spritiual North Star returns to his theme of finding the best-version-of-ourselves by focusing on authenticity and discipline.

My recurring segment on the blog is "Authentically Me," and I found it fitting that Kelly brought this up again in Rediscovering. Before this book, I hadn't even stopped to consider discipline, how it affected my life, and what it meant in becoming my authentic self. I wrote down my daily, weekly, and monthly habits and was surprised to find that not only did these habits bring me joy, but about a third centered on prayer or church community. 

There are still aspects I want to change, and I appreciate authors like Kelly who push me to be a better Christian in all things. This book is one for those who are struggling to live the Christian lifestyle and those who want to better themselves. A diet usually fails because once a person reaches a desired number, they resume their old habits. Christians fall into the same boat: they make adjustments temporarily and then pick up their old, worldly habits that got them into trouble in the first place.

I highly recommend Matthew Kelly for anyone wanting to dive deeper into faith, to remember how to live it, and to find answers to questions most of us have regarding the true meaning of Christian.